asylum_online | Nov. 4th, 2009

This is it. I don't know what will happen now. I couldn't stop playing with fire. I suppose I deserve everything I get.

I love how much she hates me because she thinks I fucked somebody else, because she thinks I am the worst wife in existance, because she has no idea what has transpired to make me seek attention in the form of peer therapy for suicidal ideation. Oh, yes, and I maybe I developed feelings for the man who saved my life. And I regret so much, so many many many regrets to be had this year. You have no idea. No fucking idea in your perfect world with your perfect boyfriend and your perfect body and your perfect friends what it's like to be someone like me. I hate you.

I hate you and I will NOT be going to your wedding, you fucking hypocrite. You've cheated but you're so much better than me aren't you, so much prettier and so much more of what everyone wants. You can get away with it, but damn if you don't have your double standard. And wake up, girl, because I sure as hell didn't touch him even as you had your hands sliding down some other man's pants. Going to reign it in when you get married? I highly. Fucking. Doubt it. Go choke on his dick, you STUPID WHORE. I bet you'd love to know I'm depressed again, cutting again, hating myself all over again. Wouldn't it be convenient if I finally took myself out of the picture? Don't worry, he's all covered with a hefty life insurance policy. Couldn't leave with that looming over me, now could I? And I'm smart enough to make it look like an accident, but wouldn't you be so TICKLED if I left you an note telling you I was weak? Yeah. You're just like my sister. Sociopaths. At least I feel every mistake I make, every life I ruin. At least I care.

Hold him to it, honey. Hold him to it. Boys like him love me forever. It'll be easy for you. You wouldn't spit on me if I were on fire and you have to protect him, don't you? No matter what it takes. You owe me nothing anyway.

Nobody fucking does. /rant