Falling off the edge of the world

[her-disease.livejournal.com]

Have you ever felt so empty that you want to explode? I wake up terrified. Unable to comprehend that I have another day to get through. I don't think he wants to get married anymore. He will be leaving for London with or without me. But what does it matter? My heart is already broken. I don't mind the numbness. The abuse I put my body through is a welcome distraction. I have no words to explain this hell. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go.

I have burnt so many bridges here. If I lose him- the realisation is too terrifying. I can't stay here. The only option is a hospital bed in a ward where nothing is relevant anymore.

Maybe one day I'll wake up and the world will stop spinning. Things will be as they were. And I'll be able to live again. It is all I can hope and pray for.