Lost

[rue42.livejournal.com]

Since I was raped, I have a very hard time feeling anything. I fake a lot of things. I pretend to be interested in work and my friends. I act like I can't wait to go out for sushi or to a show. I watched Dexter and found that I identified with the character far more than I would have liked. I mostly just go through the motions.

I went to a therapist once. She didn't really help. I can't seem to care about things most of the time. I'm not suicidal anymore but it's like I flipped switch and I can't get my emotions back. She said it would come back to me in time, when I healed. I became a Buddhist. I volunteer constantly. I got married. I bought a house. I tell everyone I'm happy. Five years later, and I'm not better. I wonder if I'll ever stop feeling dead inside.

(no subject)

[stillbourne.livejournal.com]

A Confessional, should you need it...