Head spinning and hands shakking

[joepagan.livejournal.com]

I am falling back, after a long stand out in reality.

I am now in a separation with my wife, and we are still living together, while we both see other people. What would sound even weirder, is that were we still a couple, we would still probably see other people, as we were a poly couple. What is the weirdest, is that even after all of this, we are in no way on bad terms.

I am grateful, as she is the best friend that I ever had, the closest person to me, even closer than my family, and closer than my children. It sounds idyllic, however, the real problem begins when taking into account some details.

Below in the cut are two parts that are being addressed simultaneously. The first, is the issues that are the background for the separation, and are not in anyway somehow 'her fault'. The other part is how I feel about both the separation, and about our relationship. This is long, controversial, and somewhat private to her. I post about her every now and then, so those who really know who I am online or offline know who this is, otherwise, she is a part of the Asylum somewhere.

( Sensitive Bits )

I appreciate your patience, and your input, regardless of how you feel. I think it will help me better understand what I need to do.

(no subject)

[bloodred1889.livejournal.com]

so i just thought id post somthing.
im seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow for the first time, i have 2, one for pain part of my pain specialits, because i have fibromyalgia and i have to "talk2 to someone about my pain and how it makes me feel.. how about, in pain! depressed... ect ect.

then in 3 weeks i see the proper people, the doctors at st anns, st anns is my local mental asylum, and me and my mum have decided i needproper help, so then i will be talking to a psychologist and psychiatrist about me and what i think and feel , why i cut myself and do weird shit, im very self destructive, but not suicidel, i get manic alot then really depressed for no reason.

but yeah after i see my therepist tomorrow i will likley get some medication, im expecting pregabalin for pain and maybe a mood staberlizer or sleep aid, we will see.
then after that im off to a certain somehere, lets call it wonderland to get some lsd, which i will use on friday night.

yes it is bad for a fucked up person to use lsd alot of people say, but ive used it before and im just too damned curios and impulsive not to, im the person who would push the big red button that said DO NOT PUSH.

thats just me i guess.

anywho thats it for now
:)