a few random thoughts that turned into a mini-rant

[iheartsantino.livejournal.com]

i don't know what my problem is. i was having a really good day and for no reason. i was in a good mood all day, i had lunch with a friend which is always nice.
but all of a sudden that feeling is completely gone. and i feel like no one gets me. and i feel like no one cares. and i feel lonely. and i feel like everything is so unfair because i go out of my way to make sure that my friends are ok and have someone to talk to when they need it... but no one ever goes out of their way to see if i'm ok or to see if maybe i need to talk about shit once in a while. it has been made perfectly clear to my friends, these people who are my family, that i have some issues that require some sort of support from others. that always upsets me. i'm a nurturer, i want to help people. and i am always there for people because i know what it feels like to not have anyone. so why can't they ever try to see if i'm ok? yeah people are busy and have things to do, but i'm busy too. yet i still have time to IM a friend and let them vent if they need to or to offer up a little advice when they are having a problem. i'm not the type of person to be all HEY I'M HAVING A BAD DAY. i've always been the person who just deals with it and keeps it in, but if someone asks me how i am i'll tell them that i'm not that great or that i'm having a bad day. if my moods are really bad then my friends can usually tell by being around me, but they would rarely ever ask if i was ok. being at college now i don't seem my friends all the time so i don't expect them to just KNOW that i need them, but it would be nice if they made the effort to see how i am. are people really that self-absorbed?