(no subject)

[mistresspaije.livejournal.com]

I broke down last night for no reason. I confesed to my fiance about how I've been feeling lately. I told him the truth. That I don't like myself and I feel cheated (like everyone does) because I've always been looked over and forgotten. I told him that I can't write or sing or play my guitar anymore because I feel like "what's the use?" and my creativity has been drained out of me completely because I have nothing inside me anymore that merrits anything worth telling to the world. Basically, I hate myself. I can't even look into the mirror. I know a lot of people have this problem, but I'm just too fucking selfish to get over it and deal with it.
I cried so hard that my head hurt, and when I woke up this morning I didn't feel any better. I'm afraid he's going to leave me because he feels like it's his fault. He thinks it's his fault that I lost my best friend, it's his fault I can't write anymore, it's his fault that I can't see what he sees. It's not. He's the best thing I've ever had in my life. I'v waited for him for so long and now I might loose him because I'm a miserable shit and I make him miserable. How illogically unfair this situation is. The "if onlys" run through my head every second but it will never happen for me. I might loose the only person who ever loved me because I can't love myself. I'm a fucking moron.

(no subject)

[do-you-trust-me.livejournal.com]

Do this. Ask Anything u like


''I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me ANYTHING you want (anything goes). You can literally ask anything about anything, personal or not, and I will try to answer completely. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.''

(no subject)

[stillbourne.livejournal.com]

not
doing
well.

Tonight feels like it will break me.
heavy,relentless,forboding.

Time to do some coping strategies before i do something stupid.
I pray I stay here, in control, and not blank out.

gawd, thats ALL I need right now.

:sigh:

cancelling all plans for the rest of the weekend. Im going to need the alone time.