asylum_online | Not good...trying to keep myself together here...

*sigh*
Bah...I'm awake...-_-;;;
Yes...he's very, very happy and cheerful sounding in his damn journal...*grumbles*
This hurts, I'm trying to keep myself together, but maybe I'll eventually just break down into tears.
I hate this...I hate myself...
And I'm serious when I say, I want to get the fuck out of this damn state eventually...
I want to have a good day though, god dammit...-.-;;
It's going to be hard though...too many cheerful people in relationships..o.x;;;
Yeah...meh...I know I can find someone of my own someday...I just...*shrug* This just fucking sucks...leave me alone -.-;
I sort of want to cut myself again, or jump off that cliff thing I went to on Saturday...*sigh*
I don't know...
I hate myself...
I had a dream about Graydon...he and I were together, and we had kids...
I have no idea what that means. Maybe I'm desperate to be with someone, to fall in love with someone, when I know very well that those feelings cannot be forced...
This must sound so stupid, I just need a good cry right now...
And then I just want to go to campus and forget about this stupid shit that's bugging me today.
...god, there's something else I think I wanted to say...
*shrug*
I forgot...
Hm...oh well...