She's updating...AGAIN!

[0moon-raven0.livejournal.com]

*sigh*
This is hurting...
Yeah, me and Scott are talking...him being with another girl hurts...I'm crying and it burns, in stings...both from the tears in my eyes, and the squeeze in my heart...
But I'm telling him this, and he's being patient and understanding...but still...I just...I dunno...
...just friends, again...nothing more...and I dont want to hope for anything more...because hope just hurts you...
But I know I can't fully fall back on him for comfort, because he's part of the reason I'm hurting...though it's not really his fault. And so...I'm letting myself fall back on another friend...really good friend, a sweetie...yeah...it's helping a little bit...
...but it's still going to take some goddamn time.
I hate this...I already went through this with Eli, it took long enough and now I'm missing him again after being rejected by my crush, Scott...who I finally met from the internet and...yeah...
I'm so fucking stupid though, I hate hope...attraction and crushes suck...I feel so restless and impatient about all this...relationships...
...this is very goddamn hard...
All I fucking want is to find that somebody...and I don't want to wait forever...jesus christ...I get sick of waiting...but when I look for him and take a chance, I get hurt anyway...it feels like a lose-lose situation...all the time.
Hm...*sigh*
I'm just...venting again, yeah...
I...I just need to...I dunno...hm...
...