...fucking kill me...

[0moon-raven0.livejournal.com]

...
...so...I got rejected again...
...I got fucking REJECTED AGAIN!
I GOT PICKED OVER FOR ANOTHER!!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!
I told myself not to fucking hope for anything...and here I am, tears pouring down my cheeks...
Ever since Eli...I seem to have all this fucking bad luck with fucking men...
He's a good person though, he really likes me too, and thought it would've worked between us...except for a little distance...
...
And this happened with that one stupid guy in my class this past fall...rejected me, ended up going out with some other wench in the class...
Another guy I liked in there...still like him, and saw him on some girl's lap one day...made me feel sad just cause...that never happens to me...
I...
...
...it still hurts though, even though he's still there for me...
...it hurts...so badly...
...and then I miss Eli all over again...

"Your too needy..."
"Your too depressing..."
"Your too childish..."
"...your too far away..."

...
Why don't I just fucking slit my wrists now, and die?
Nobody apparently wants me bad enough to even fucking TRY!
...no one wants me that badly...
...I...hate myself...
...I hate relationships...
...that reminds me of a really nice dream I had the other night, I was shot in the head...and I died...
...I'm serious when I say, I've been having more and more dreams about dying these days...and I like them...
...