Holy crap I finally found out what they diagnosed me with last time I was in the mental hospital.

Borderline Personality Disorder

For years I have been trying to remember the name of the thing they diagnosed me with. That is it! It makes so much sense too! I really thought I out grew the crazyies but even today I see myself demonstrating some of these symtoms. Granted it isn't as bad as when I used to be laughing and having a good time one minute and then start crying for 30 mins after the next. But such things as moving across the country, lashing out at those I love most because they made a simple mistake, and engaging in risky behavior.

Then again I don't really like talking about this stuff. When I was younger I used to love explaining to people how crazy I was. I was very attention seeking back then, and I have really come a long way from that. I try to keep my insaneness to myself, and I hope and pray my new relationships do not discovers my irrationalities. Most of the time it is inevitable and I end up losing them as a friend, but at least I am trying some what to lead a normal life.

Bipolarism, Schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder are all things I have gone without medication for since I was 16. I don't like taking pills for anything. Headache? Most people take advil. I just deal with it. So that is what I am going to keep doing, and not whine about it.

I just want to feel alive, and those few minutes out of the day where I feel like life is worth living is worth the other 23 hours I spend wondering what the fuck.