Let's throw caution to the wind once more.... please?

[cosmo-bb.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

Responsibility...

I hate it.

I feel like it may be more so than your average person. The thought of school and work make me feel like I'm going to be sick. It's so drull, so mundane... the same thing day in, day out... never changing, always just as boring every day. Every time I get a new job, I spend the whole first week feeling physically ill... High fever, puking, dizziness... but I'm never actually sick, I'm pretty sure it's all in my head.

The call to adventure is still so loud in my heart, the want, the need to find something new every day. To meet someone, see something, experience ANYTHING different from the ordinary.

The woods, the mountains, the ocean... they call to me like some kind of beautiful, slinky, whispy, woman. Her huge eyes set on mine, hypnotizing me... Her long, pale fingers curling, telling me to abandon everything. Begging me to the winds of adventure. Of new happenings...

But no, I have to grow up now. The age of pirates and discovery is long gone. A faint memory, a sweet taste in the back of my mind... *sigh*

How could I do this to myself? What happened? My heart screams "ADVENTURE! ACTION! GO! GO! GO! YOU'RE MISSING IT ALL!" at my brain. And my brain screams "APPEASE THE HEART! THE HEART IS MASTER!" but then my body just... doesn't....

I guess I'm just another washed up adventurer... a pilot without an airship... my goggles are gathering dust hanging on the wall, my pistol is rusted and broken... my sword, dull and brittle.

It's time to grow up, captain...

Still bitter.

[cazzcage.livejournal.com]

It going to be the first X-miss that my sister will not call stoned and begging us to feed her. It just hit me the other day. She gone,dead,over,never coming back. She die doing the thing she loved Shooting up. Her love for drugs was more then her love for the family. I don't know why it just came clear that jane was a junkie. I mean I've seen her shoot up before, I've carry her dope. You think I would have know when she left me at mall for 2 hours. Maybe I was just to young to understand or I didn't want to understand. Part of me wants to go to her grave and dig her out cause maybe she still alive maybe she was stoned when they put her in. The other part wants to go take the grave marker down so no one know she there, forget she ever was in my life. Both are very harsh thoughts. I feel like it my fault like I didn't try to save her. From the ages 11,12 and 13 is when I helped her the most to get high. She'd have me tie her off then go be look out,many time she left to go get a spoon or lighter so I was alone with it. I often thought about thowing it in the loo but she'd get mad. Maybe she wanted me there in case she ODed maybe it was to show me what drugs did. If that was it then it work,I've had a hard time touching/looking or being near drugs even if the doctor gives it to me. For the longest time I had issues with taking the pill. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe.