(no subject)

[ellie-lawl-7.livejournal.com]

do i need to be more in the world?
I feel so outta focus, like im stuck in my head all day,
disconnected from everything.
and everything is an outta body experience.
Red, swollen, bloodshot eyes.
That's all I have gotten outta this.
They sting. and cry too much.
Oh gosh I need to stop.
(I'm single now... :\)

So im supposed to go back to the psychiatrist today, a lot! later, and im supposed to already have taken a bunch of tests and stuff,
like on my heart, and blah blah blah.... but i havent yet. i dont even have a doctor, so how does that work out? 
Do you think that the lady will be mad or upset with me? 
I dont like upsetting people lol.

im about to punch my mother,
she is too satisfied about matt dumping me.
this is her fault.
his exact words:
"I wanna date you, not her.
So I'm leaving both of you..."

wow. And today she walks around, a smug smile on her face, while i am hiding and holding back tears.
"you'll find being single is fun. You will learn to love it."
But I dont love it at all.
I want to punch that bitch!!!!!
People are already demanding my love, and Im still so broken from it.
It was only last night, for crying out loud.
Dont try to catch me on the rebound.
Seriously! Have some respect for me! 
Let me cry it out, let me forget him on my own time, n my own terms,
not by forcing yourself down my throat and telling me that you cant be with anyone else but me.
Dont do that shit to me!
anyways....

I think im going crazy. ;D lol.
this isnt going to be so much fun.
having no privacy=bad juju