Stuck in a cycle

[dissociatedmind.livejournal.com]

I'm stuck in a cycle of jaded outlooks on life.
The way I think and act are so heavily influenced by the little things in life.
It's crazy.

Something insignificant that puts a smile on my face will make me so giddy, it's unbelievable.
Something insignificant that puts a frown on my face makes me so depressed, I want to die.

Why is my personality so indecisive and SPLIT?

Life is beautiful, I hate everything, I'm feeling good, I can't deal with reality!
Why does anything have to exist?
Things would be so much better off if this FLUKE of a universe never happened.
Nothing is my ideal.
Can you wrap your head around what NOTHING actually is?