(no subject)

[stetnee.livejournal.com]

I just want to cry all the time lately.  Things were going pretty damn good there for a while.  Life, in most aspects, was good.  I actually think that except sorta when I was a kid, I hadnt ever had it that good until earlier this summer.  But of course, being my life, it couldnt stay good. 

Lots of shit has happened just in the past few weeks and I've been having a lot the old thoughts.  Every little time I get stressed lately my mind goes to my old drug, cutting (my eating disorder too, but actually not as much as the cutting).  Remembering how it felt, how it helped.  And I want it.  I havent cut in over a year and I want it terribly.  I know it wont get my old job back and it wont take back the accident or the fights lately or ANYTHING... but I know it will make me feel better, if only for a second.  I really dont want to do it.  I can't.  But if things keep up like this I don't know if I'll be able to resist...