Red

[her-disease.livejournal.com]

Me again.Same shit different day.

I'm glad i don't know anyone here. Nameless faces, struggling and crashing. It should be comforting that I'm not alone, but sadly it just amplifies everything.

Sometimes I wish I could just crash and burn out.Have people talk about what a sad thing it was, never expected it etc etc. Burn the place down. Bleed out. But I never was that reckless or brave. I sometimes want to fade away, disappear before their eyes.My body shut down and die.

I am so fucking tired.I am tired of being second place.Overlooked.Made to feel unwanted.Despised.A stranger in my own home.I am tired of not feeling anything.I want to mediate myself to the point of no return.


I want to be hospitalised- beccome grey and silent in a tiny room where time does not exist.

I want to break bones.Smash someones face and watch them bleed.

Anything but this.Endless nights in the same space.Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.


I am tired of having to kill off everything in my life time and time again.

I wish I had the courage to jump and never look back.

Anything but this.