Definition of life: nightmare

[dark-paradise2.livejournal.com]

I know I'm not the most fun person to hang out with, or the most charimatic, or the most happy, but I try damn well hard to accomodate others. I've become a bit bitter towards life, but who wouldn't if you hate waking up almost every morning.  I've slandered all men in front of my father and little brother because I feel like I've either been treated like a freak, been called ugly, and have been overall ignored. And the condescending attitudes do not help.
Long story's short, I feel like a complete outcast, a loner, and completely disconnected. I've had dreams of suicide, and dreams of running away. Dreams of basically escaping all the expectations and the pressure. Of escaping the shark tank that I've been trapped in (highschool).  I have no charisma, I have very few friends, and I feel like almost everyone is my enemy. Just cause I don't click with most people they'd rather sit back and say "she's strange" or "she's odd."

So I'm working on making the grades to get into college, and get a car, and get the fuck out of here. I want to start all over. If I end up loner, at least I'd be able to buy an apartment and a cat. 
 
I want my parents to stop trying to pretend that everything's okay and that I'm the "perfect daughter." I may not have been raped or molested, but I want someone to hear me out and listen to me too.