(no subject)

[whatweneversaid.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to dissassociate again and it's driving me nuts.  Not all the way to the point where I can't stand my own mental voice and have to make it sound really short and strung together so that I can understand what I'm thinking, but pretty close.

I haven't changed anything, other than getting less stressed and having way nicer classes.  I'm still on the same med dose, and that used to help.

A few times I had derealization there were these voices that were kind of mine but not in my control screaming at me in the back of my head.  I'm terrified that I'm going to end up with schizophrenia.  I don't know any immediate family with it, but I know it's been in my family (unless that was just an after effect of the acid that guy had taken years before?  Can that happen?)

Sometimes I feel like my mind keeps chosing different speeds to function at, and switches really quickly.  Almost like the thoughts are coming too fast, but I can't process anything very quickly so it takes me a minute to even understand what my head is saying...And then it flip flops.  I think I might have made it sound more extreme than it is, but that's the best I can describe it.  Is this just part of disassociating?