(no subject)

[etherealdespair.livejournal.com]

Need help, guys.

I have long term recurrent major depressive episodes. Lately I've been kind of approaching a crisis. I've been hurting worse, the suicidal thoughts are much, much worse, everything's crashing. I'm on two meds, I see a psychiatrist regularly and currently I have crisis team involvement too, but nothing helps. Not even having my boyfriend around makes me feel better any more.

Here's the thing: my psych is worried. She wants me to be in hospital because she doesn't think I'm safe at home. She's probably right. I spend half my time wanting to jump off the (third floor) balcony just to feel the pain. But I do not want to go into hospital.

I have a life, I function, I need to keep doing so. I would have to tell my uni, my family, my boyfriend's family.  I can't, I won't. I can't miss so much uni, I can't relinquish that level of control.

So, help me. Please, if you have any idea how I can stay out of hospital, let me know.

Thanks.