new

[sexdrugswar.livejournal.com]

Hello my name is Sophia.

I've been dealing with anorexia and depression for about 6 years now. My doctors had just discharged me from the outpatient clinic so I thought I was doing well but I fell again. So here I am. Seeking support.

Most of my issues stem from my low self esteem and self worth. I self harm to punish myself whenever I feel like I'm underserving of praise or being alive and constantly think I'm not good enough for many things. I've always wanted to be a designer. That's the only thing that's driving me right now. But it's hard especially since I never feel good enough despite my unbridled passion for design.

I've attempted suicide so many times I can't count and the last time I did so, I promised my girlfriend that would be my last. So now I can't do it. Which is a really hard struggle because I never feel like I should be alive.

My eating disorder is the only thing that makes me feel worthy of something. Not eating / the control makes me feel powerful. It makes me feel like I am good at something / not useless.

Anyway, today I snapped. And since I can't talk to anyone about anything in real life, here's a rant.

( fucking hate myself )