asylum_online | Jan. 31st, 2009

I feel sick and nervous... maybe it's because I didn't take Abilify last night? Yeah, I'd like to think that... I feel physically sick, psychologically overexerted, and exhausted. I feel like I...

I'm just going to say this: I wish I had more friends at college. Because I love the ones at home, in other cities, and online, but the only person I have at school is Evan. And that's what Dr. M. and I are supposed to talk about next week - why I REFUSE to make friends with the girls at University.

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I've been drinking water/liquids all day.

I feel faint.

I feel insane,

I think it's all in my head

I should probably take some more Xanax, but that will just knock me out...

Something happened today when my body started to feel numb and very warm. My vision went away and I ran (hobbled I guess) to the mirror and couldn't see my face. I was clawing at it, but nothing was there. Everything turned black and red and warm and I could feel blood gushing through my arteries. It felt good.

And I feel sick. Also, if anything happens, I don't want to live here (at home.) I want to rent an apartment and go to community college, take 1 class, and possibly get a part time job at the flower shop.

But oh. I would just be a failure. I want to get my degree like Evan.