Smug self-loathing

[krazyside.livejournal.com]

There comes a time in everyone's life when one realises the awful truth. That one sucks.

My name is Krazyside, and I suck.

I am lazy. I don't work (well except for occaisionally fixing someones PC) and never have. Nonetheless, I expect to just walk into a well-paid, professional type job with a car and >£17G. Why, you ask?

Because I am also greedy. I don't just want a humble normal low grade existance, I want to LIVE! even if my ambitions far outweigh my reach. Which brings me to...

I am promiscuous. I want to sleep with almost everyone I meet (well, apart from animals and children, obviously). I'd stick it in mud if I thought it would wriggle. This is just another aspect of my overwhelming, massive, oral greed, and my desperation for human contact. Because...

I am insecure. I am a great big bag of hangups. It could be said of me when I am "on one" that if a psychiatrist were to pop his head round the door they'd cancel all their appointments for the next century. That is, if I wasn't so...

Stingy. I have £500 in the bank, a hefty sum for a doley scumbag like me. Yet I still won't tip on principle, and resent paying more than £2.50 for a pint. Yet I am happy to let other people buy me drinks, this is because I am a...

Scrounger. I try not to cadge, but I rarely refuse the offer of free things. Also I am...

Self indulgent. I split up with someone, then talk about getting back together with them, then decide not to, then, months later want to get back with them again.

And so on, and so forth... Teh suckage just goes on and on. You know that song, "I'm With Stupid"? That should be dedicated to anyone who spent time with me.

Bleeeehhhh (drinks more beer)

And this is the worst thing about it: I LIKE MYSELF! I enjoy being this way, it's everyone else who has the problem. Why should I bust my ass working for the Man? so I can spend all my money on consumer junk? Why the fuck should I put up with the mental torture of heterosexual monogamy, female chauvinism, and hate that defines "relationships"? Why should I spend my money keeping up with pissheads like R______? They're the ones that want to spend their lives drinking, so fuck it!

And so I have coined the term "smug self-loathing" to describe what I am feeling right now. I know I'm going to be fucked, I know I'm gonna end up totally alone and broke, but as I've already been there and done that, the ultimate sanction our society reserves for nonconformists, why should I fear it? Fuck those guys. Fuck the clique.