(no subject)

[spiderweb66.livejournal.com]

Does anyone know where I can find the laws for involuntary commitment in nj? Thanks so much.

A friend sent me a beta of his game.

[servant-of-lies.livejournal.com]

It had this in it.

Giant talking boot: "Jn_im_ot. u,_irt_h itto_nt i_f_ru s_uar eoet yl_ _e h"
Little girl: "Waihr_e h_ttIl t____ ssht its? uun mr a"

...accompanied by voice acting!
Someone tell me what the Hell it all means.

Bad Habits

[darksidekitten.livejournal.com]

I smoke. I self injure. Those are my two biggest vices right now. I have found I can quit one but not the other. Doesn't matter which one. if I stop doing one, I do the other one more often.

Anyone else know what I mean?

because you have nothing else to read

[dead-inside13.livejournal.com]

My point being that it's quite sick how people develop relationships. We seem to need others in order to be who we want and we need to become others for them because we need to be who they want. Do I make any sense? Probably not. The second bit of that idiocity is a recurring dream of mine. Funny how the ghost of a former love (someone I've never even met) haunts me so often that I find her possessing me.

My god we are twisted. I made a God and he made a replica. We both needed it. Just before she left him he started making me into her without even meaning to. That was almost...four years ago? Am I even me, or am I her and him mixed in some kind of blender? Why am I even posting this? Why would anyone care?

Hello again, meds

[wiisp.livejournal.com]

I can't do this. One minute I'm fine, thinking everything will work out. The next minute I'm crying hysterically at anyone who is close enough to listen. I'm spending all of my energy on pretending I'm okay. I haven't loathed life this much since early high school, and these days, since I'm an adult, I have much easier access to things that could kill me.

I haven't even lost him yet, but the knowledge that I could very well lose this wonderful love without even a reason other than "fear of commitment" is sending me over the edge. I am NOT the kind of person who considers suicide, but the thought keeps crossing my mind, and it's getting harder to ignore. I am NOT the kind of person who drinks to feel better, but it's looking more attractive. I am NOT the kind of person who does drugs, other than the occasional bowl of pot, but lately I'm looking for anything that might get me out of my mind for a while, at least until I can fall asleep. I almost went out last night to buy a box of cough medicine to take all at once.

I have been out of therapy since July. I honestly don't think there's anything more that I can learn from talk therapy. What I have learned about myself through therapy, I can't seem to use to stabilize myself. If I could just stabilize myself I could use the therapy to make it through. If I remain unstable for much longer I'm going to become a danger to myself. So I made an appointment to go see my parents' doctor tomorrow morning and I'm going to go back on meds. I don't know what KIND of meds... I've tried Prozac in the past, which was like taking a placebo without the placebo effect, I've tried Zoloft, which made me feel like a zombie most of the time, and Effexor made me extremely tired during the day, unable to sleep at night, and gave me almost daily brain shocks. I don't know what is left to try, but I've got to try something. I worked so hard to get healthy; I can't lose it now.