Asylum theme song 2008

[stillbourne.livejournal.com]

It seems we still have a 4 way tie on the theme song.
Please vote for your favorite of the following.
The winner will be on the front age of asylumonline.org when the new layout is completed.


[Poll #1149544]

To hear the songs go to this previous poll

but dont forget to vote on this poll. an new votes on the old poll will not count now.

Passing on parental mistakes

[parental-pawn.livejournal.com]

My grandmother raised me, I think in part because she hoped that she could have a second chance and not repeat the mistakes that she made raising my mother. Because of this I grew up getting all of the lectures that she wished she had given my mother. I also constantly heard about everything that my mother ever did to fuck up. I believe that this upbringing has contributed to my severe indecisiveness. I am so scared to make any decisions, no matter how minor or how big. I am so worried that no matter what the choice that it will be the wrong one. No matter how hard I try, I can't get past this. I have, of course, had times in life where I have had make a large leap: choosing a major (probably a wrong choice in retrospect), where to live, whether to keep a job. Then there are things that I just can't decide about, like my relationship. I have gone back and forth for years about whether to stay or not. Some times it's bad and sometimes it's good. It always seems to return to bad, but then there are the good times again. Anyway, I've gone off topic.
Another problem with my family dynamic is that though I was a major fuck up as a teenager (committed on more than one occasion, medicated to the point of sedation, skipped school, almost failed, became addicted to illegal drugs (though they haven't found out about that to my knowledge)) my grandmother seems to give my mother the impression that she thinks that I am perfect. I don't really think that she thinks that, but it has caused a one sided sibling rivalry acted out by my own mother against me. The whole "Mom likes you best" bullshit. "Everything you do is wonderful" "Mom thinks you shit rainbows". I try desperately to discourage this, especially since I have been living with my mother for the last 4 1/2 years, but I don't think my ignoring her behavior is accomplishing anything.
It drives me crazy. Since Grandmother thinks that I am wonderful Mom seems to feel the need to constantly point out all of the faults that she perceives in me: I'm not feminine, I never do anything fun, I don't have a sense of humor, I'm not professional. I began to move out of her house at several points in the last few years, but I do have a desire (no matter how asinine) to please her, and every time she has convinced me that it is stupid for me to move out before I finish college. Now I'm stuck because I stopped working. At least I will graduate in a couple of months and am well on my way to having a job lined up and waiting for me.
Anyway, I'm just ranting now, or I guess I have been the whole time, but I will shut up now.