Bad day

[joepagan.livejournal.com]

Having a hard day for some reason. Not sure why. I think having too much time alone is both rewarding and painful.

Anyone ever feel like this:

I stand at a mirror, the liquid stillness shows a person I hate.

Too short, skinny and flabby.
Glasses, my eyes betray my flesh.
Skin that is pale, but where allowed to burn.
Bones and skin, scraggly hair.

Thoughts askew.
Emotions tear down walls
Pain for no other reason than to feel.
Love, peace, and happiness are gone.

There was a time when I had a future.
When my mind could open many doors.
I feel lost, like a compass too far north.
Solitude is my cage, like my reflection trapped in glass.

I hate myself for my weaknesses.
I wish I were somewhere else, someone else.
Everywhere I look, I see peace.
Eyes open, spirits free, unburdened by their solitude.

I am an island, a keep of solace.
Only no-one visits me for peace.
Like a weatherbeaten castle, forlorn.
I hear the wind and see time.

My redeeming value is my patience, my ability to endure.
My ability to care, in spite of everything.
My need for love.
My pain.

I cry sometimes, but not for myself. I cry because I want people to know I love them. I want people to know that they are not alone. I want people to know that people like me watch them, think about them, and even when you may seem alone, I will be thinking of you.

I hate days like today, I feel empty.