(no subject)

[silenceiskey.livejournal.com]

I'm incredibly confused.
"It sounds like just one message, but in fact it's really two. I think of you a lot...
and I think a lot of you."
That was a card my father gave me today, complete with a picture of Mickey Mouse holding a pink and white daisy.

I don't know what to think at this point, about men that is.
The relationship with my father was never good, never something I admitted to being even okay. I grew up fearing him, and then hating him, and now he's trying to fix everything.
My relatiosnhip with my...now ex...ended this morning. He wasn't even going to say anything. He was going to continue ignoring me, hoping I would go away, but I knew. I knew and I walked over to him in a rage. He said we had no chemistry. To create chemistry, in my opinion, you can't just have two different chemicals. You have to mix them, stir them, maybe heat them. You have to try. He never tried to talk to me, ever. He apolgized and gave ma pathic pat on the arm, asking me if I would be okay. I was so angry, so incredibly angry. I still am. What a fucking coward. I really like him. He was the only one I really liked.

I was accidentaly raised to be sexist. I'm sexist towards both sexes, but more towards men. Basically, I hate them, I don't know whether or not to accept my father and I want to kill myself.