hello workers of the world

[dreamfeather34.livejournal.com]

i've been a member of this community for quite some time but i hav'nt posted anything really meaningful. i see people writing things in here and getting support from people they don't even really know, and i love that. some of the most influencial people i have ever met i had only know for a very short time.

maybe someone here can help me.

i won't lie and pretend i'm not happy alot, because i am. i have many people who make my life a 100 times better than it even should be.

but i guess i just want it to be okay for me to be sad. i feel as if i say i am people won't take me seriously, and it may sound stupid but i want someone to just let me be around them without giving me that look. maybe you dont know the look. the crazy look. i dont think people know they are giving it to me most of the time. i've spent half my life being stupid or crazy.

my dad thinks i might be bipolor. maybe hes right. i believe everyone has one of those disorders that seem to be everywhere. i never thought medication would become a sort of trend, but to some it has. it takes the attention off of those who really need help.

but even if i was, i dont want to be fixed, because the fix would be a lie. everything i am is all there is, how sad that really is, it's true.

and i find myself wanting to be everything to everyone.
i should be a prodoge by now.
i am underaccomplished.
i am stupid.
i am crazy.
i am ugly.
and i am socialy disoriented,
and you know what....


i hate myself.
and for all of this i dont want to become something better,
because that would be the lie im afraid of.

but i still want someone to tell me im beautiful




p.s.
sorry for all the spelling errors, im tired and im too lazy to fix them at the moment

For E

[wiisp.livejournal.com]

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(no subject)

[batgirl-x.livejournal.com]

For E

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[silenceiskey.livejournal.com]

I feel like such a freak. I don't want people (especially him) to hate me for what I have wrong with me. I hate being ashamed of myself.

I had a panic attack yesterday. I'm still a little shaken up and my stomach still hurts when I eat. I had the attack while I was on the fucking phone with the boy. Someone I really like who didn't know that about me, and I dont want him to hate me because of it. Because I was on the phone, I was able to distract myself from getting too out of control, but it happened regardless.

I'm just scared. When will it happen again?

(no subject)

[persephone-thea.livejournal.com]

*comes out of kitchen whistling*

::is carrying a big tray of muffins::

I made some of my special muffins if anyone would like some! Today I have chocolate chip and raisin bran, and each muffin has its own surprise inside... 

::thinks to self:: -thats because I am running out on my stash- ::makes mental note to get med keys soon::

Unfortunately I didnt make as many as last time and we have about 10 here and I have to bring at least two to rottenpeicesin our room... I want one, and I promised one to wistful_nana_o
so that just leaves 6! First come first serve and you have to hurry cause I need to get back to see how rottenpeicesis doing... he needs a drink im sure![Bad username or unknown identity: ]

(no subject)

[stillbourne.livejournal.com]

Its getting to be that time of year again.....


So, my dearest residents....

I will be sending anyone who comments in this post with an address and a photo/image for your ID card, a holiday care package from _asylum_.
It will consist of a holiday card made specifically for _asylum_ members, a laminated ID card with your name, Ward and Room on it... some stationary with the _asylum_ letterhead ...and possibly other suprises if I get around to em.

all comments will be screened for your privacy.

and shalaraven, sorry I did nt get right back to you on that dream. My originaly approach isnt accurate at all, will post soon when I get time..

Even when love is simple I still can't get it

[wiisp.livejournal.com]

( Whining and melodrama? Something like that. )