(no subject)

[silenceiskey.livejournal.com]

Just shoot me. NOW. I'm just going to end up taking something to block out all this bullshit.

There's something about being the daughter of a sexist man that doesn't work out. Same goes for the wife.

(no subject)

[twystedblyss.livejournal.com]

I'm new here. I don't know what to say right now. I don't want to introduce myself when I'm high as a kite and strung out on Clonazepam and Xanax...but I will write more soon.

I want to be numb, that's why I'm doing this. I want to be empty. To stop feeling, for a little while. Because I am in too much pain.

Some poetry...my 2 most recent

[twystedblyss.livejournal.com]

UNTITLED AS OF NOW

I want to live
Without the pain
Without the pressure everyday
Try so hard to be perfect
To hide behind the smile
Not to let the facade crack
Not to let the imperfections show
My heart is rotting inside me
But I can't let that be known
I have to hold my head up
And show that I am strong
On the outside, I seem alright
But deep inside I want to die
Can't bring the two together
Can't make it feel right in my mind
Too much confusion
Too many decisions
Too much flooding my consciousness
I don't know what to say
I can't defend myself
I have to just smile and nod
And let them all think it's OK
Because it hurts too much to see the looks on their faces
When they fear I'm going to crumble and fall


******************

NUMB

Pressure building up inside
Feelings boiling over
So much pain I can't even cry
Too much to try and follow
Heart is bursting with raw feeling
Threatening to spill over and taint the outside
Have to keep it contained
Can't go bleeding out all my sorrows
But I can't cry, the tears have all dried up
And the fear is taking my breath away
I don't feel alive
I don't feel good
I don't feel like I deserve to feel this way
But I can't escape it
It's a disease, and it hurts me
The pain just won't go away
I can't block it out
Nothing works
Don't want to fight it anymore
Just want to throw in the towel and let it win
If that means I can just be FREE

(no subject)

[onewho.livejournal.com]

A nifty site I found, thought some of you might enjoy some of the pics. I think I might use the Docter one for a the new card Im working on.

(no subject)

[silenceiskey.livejournal.com]

I lose.

(no subject)

[twystedblyss.livejournal.com]

Feel like I'm trapped inside this medicated state
Floating somewhere between emotional overload and numbness
I don't know how to feel, I don't know what's real
This just isn't me, this shouldn't be this way
Can't shake the numbness
And I know I hate it
But I just can't leave it behind
I want to feel, wanna be real again
Wanna be the girl I know I can be
I can feel her inside
Fighting so desperately to escape
But the pain forces me back to the pills
And they push her back down inside
Where she wallows in her pain
Drowning in it
Until I can get rid of the pain...and stop the pills again

(no subject)

[twystedblyss.livejournal.com]

Alright, I've settled down a little bit and think I can do a proper introduction now. Or at least as proper as mine ever get.

My name is Erica. I'm a 25 year old engaged lesbian with the wedding date set for Jan/08. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, but was only diagnosed at 20 along with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder and slight OCD. I'm on Celexa and Clonazepam.

I was sexually abused all my life by many different people, from 6-12, 15-17, 19, 20, 23...rape and pregnancy and abortion and miscarriages...I'll get into it more later.

Other than that, I guess that's about it for now. Nice meeting you all.

Oh, I'm a poet. So I hope you like reading poetry. Thanks.

Purl two! (warning: cute and disturbing!)

[wiisp.livejournal.com]

Knitting for psychopaths!

http://gallery.andreas.id.au/knitting.html

I particularly liked this one:

( Read more... )