just one of my poems

[sacratum-angel.livejournal.com]

Swollen eyes, tears that left behind stained cheeks….
Lips spill out the problem.
I’ll try to shut off the screaming,
But it only gets louder.
I need my sweet release.

Sleep, so unreachable…
Without your arms to hold me, or the comfort of your shoulder.
No sounds of your heart beat or the rise an fall of your chest.
No warmth of your legs tangled into mine.
No sweet excess .
I’m broken in half without the part that counts.

i miss the way your smile digs into your eyes.
An how your eye’s dig into mine.
I love the way you speak using no words..
an understand without question.
Your voice still clings to my memory sound box,
Just like your cent follows my every move.
I love the way you watch me.. as if your studying my person.
And how you kiss my for-head every chance you get..
I live to hear you refer to me as your angel because
It carries me through this.

Sing to me once more…I promise this time I’ll fall asleep.

Empty stares an incomplete tasks,
How do I explain that life means nothing when your gone.

i'm new here ppl here is my first one.

Time should just stop.. because nothing seems worth doing unless
Your there to see it through.
Does that make me dependent?
Does this make me vulnerable?
If so I sub miss…
I never thought id think it…
I never thought I’d say it,
But if you ever left me I’d cease to exist.
I’m living hour to hour, fuck day to day.
pretending like tomorrow your coming home…gets me over it in some ways.
another day in the life of Another soldiers wife.
Another night with mangled sheets an wet pillows…o
ne more morning without my kiss.
Baby its all of you that I miss.

By nix

just one of my poems

[sacratum-angel.livejournal.com]

~~~*Pieces*~~~

It pains me; my past, my prison of thoughts.
Every time travel brings me to my knees.
again and again I relive each act, as if it were happening for the first time.
I wonder why my heart gets handed back to me crushed into too many pieces to account for.

I remember her seeming so true unlike all the rest,
Blue eyes filled with honesty and understanding.
Lips filled with words of comfort and skill.
Arms that held me tight, to squeeze out all the demons.
Hands that held my heart…so delicate an bruised.
Fingers that traced the scars with thoughts of healing,
One person who, then could have saved me from myself.
A power no one before her ever had possessed .

Nights were spent reeling out the horrors,
I let you in to far too pull you out.
I pushed away the fears, afraid you might be fake.
Maybe I made you up?
No….you use to hold me close and sing me to sleep.
Now you spit spiteful words an pretend not to know me..
You act like you never kissed away the pain, but you have…
And I use to hold you close too.
Stitch for stitch we began to mend one-another’s heart.
Word for word we promised….a vow never to brake.
I’ll be the one person who wont be fake, “I’ll never leave you”
She said, with a passionate tone that held so much heart and truth.
Till then I had never believed in anyone.
Through the tears we choked.

I pulled away, Too afraid to believe that you were completely true.
No one has ever cared about me really.
I used to think, till you.
Now I wonder if even you cared.
Maybe I had a blinder up, I think maybe you used me to block away the pain you felt.
I always knew when you held me you were thinking of her.
So I walked away…set you free.
If there is one thing in my life that I always new it was that I could never replace her,
That scared me.
so not being able to bare hearing those words one day I said them for you.

No matter what I do you will always hate me,
I feel like acid is eating through my insides because I never thought you could look me in the eyes and not show affection in some way.
I could never picture your lips screaming “fuck you”
You don’t have to say good bye because actions speak louder then words.
I know my wrongs, but do you?
Pretending things are over wont block away the memories angel.

I fell in love with a man, one who makes me feel safer then you ever could.
I’ll never have to worry about his eyes not telling the truth, because he could never hurt his broken angel.
I have said my vows and I wear his rings.
At night when he is holding me I don’t wonder about if he is thinking of his ex.
An when his lips touch mine I know he tastes me and not her.
that’s what loves about loren….its about trust, faith an loyalty.
Even as a friend I never had that with you….
So for better or for worse?
Tonight you were short and cold.
Tomorrow is left untold…

It pains me; my past, my prison of thoughts.
Every time travel brings me to my knees.
again and again I relive each act, as if it were happening for the first time.
you wonder why your heart gets handed back to you crushed into too many pieces to account for.
It’s because we were brought up to believe that fake people do not possess a heart beat.
They have no soul, their for they cannot feel.
You cannot feel.

By nix

(no subject)

[sacratum-angel.livejournal.com]

forgive me lol, im nuts at the moment...well like always.
i forgot to tell everyone that im new here..
do we get to pick the color of our
strait jacket?! *smiles evilly*

~nix

eat it up kids

[sacratum-angel.livejournal.com]

*~ Half full yet half empty ~*

I feel like I am turning inside out and I feel so lost.
I know that I’ve just been used, and I am braking down again.
Try to remember that I’m only human .
The knife can only cut so deep before I split into.
Take these hollow words and shove them up inside of you, because they mean nothing at all to me anymore .
I’ve heard all of your stories so I know that your using them to side tract my mind, and their used to boost your ego.
I want you to remember me when you are laying in your bed alone because you have fucked your self.. you’ve fucked yourself ….

I want you to feel your arms around me holding me so tightly all the while I’ll be out of reach .
Can you picture us in that bed room holding on for comfort?
In the dark we would stay in just that moment I could play, I’d pretended that you were mine and that I was yours.
inside I’m crawling,
Outside its unnoticeable …
I guess I thought I knew you….
I know now that I was wrong …

Was I just a thing?
Do you hold her closer and distance me?
Why is she in your heart?
Because I can’t be?
She Cant be the one if you make love to me!
I feel like I am turning inside out and I feel so lost inside.
I know that I have just been used and I’m braking down again ..

I want you to turn inside out and feel used, be lost , brake down .
You cant run from this one this time.
I gave you something she wont give..
I let you feel things she cant grasp ..
I gave, I gave, I gave you me!!!
Take these words and lock them up, so that the world cant see what you’ve done to me!!

Whats in a man to make him great?
Things you take to recreate…
You need to grow a little more.
to be the man I thought I knew …
Empty smiles cant cover tears I thought the worst was over only its yet to come .
All I know is pain..
All I hear is the eco of your voice inside me.
You take all my pride and drain it away..
Although I find my self running back to you night and day.
Each time you lay me down another piece brakes away.
every time I give to you All the things you come to keep.. I feel my insecurities start to creep.
One day I might learn and turn you away, but until then I’ll live inside my fantasy .
The fantasy that loving someone and being love in return is possible.

BY nix
A.K.A
~*~ Broken Angel ~*~

eat it up kids

[sacratum-angel.livejournal.com]

“In theory it sounded completely insane, yet you understood it so well”

I’m tasting the salt of your skin,
Remembering just how it all began.
Dragging my nails down your spin,
Gasping to keep everything corked tight.
I was craving you and you knew it,
And that made you that much more desirable.

I felt your fingertips….
Touching me….
Taunting me….
Soothing out the hesitations
I pulled you close and breathed..
“Come inside baby”

I caught you in a gaze. Almost like you were…
Memorizing me, oh so deeply.
Or were you really just trying to figure me out?
Your expressions intrigued me.
I knew what you were thinking before you'd even thought it out.
Sweet kisses on your neck…
Whispered bites a pun my chest.

I had to catch my breath; smooth movements were made upon your part.
Once you caught my attention you never let it go.
I wonder if you knew just how hard it was to make the cut?
An how easy you’d made it?
Down, down, down
Eye’s that looked up,
As lips so sweetly kissed my hips and naval.
My mind lapsing in an outta what was,
Oh my god is it now?
Fantasy’s being played into reality…
Chill, chills, chills
Eye’s taunting my weaknesses,
With such sexual Intensities that my bodies ability to
cope failed.
Mmmm…I wanted you.
I let you in and, he took and he gave, and he took and he gave.
Oh’ but he gave me more then he took.

Thick hands tightly gripped my waist, you pulled my sweetness near.
You hit the spot without hesitation… over and over, I gripped the sheets.
As I arched my back, I pulled into you.
My body tightened just before I shivered violently, breathing in so deep I thought my lungs might collapse. I tried to pull away but you kept me close.
I twisted and I squirmed as my body went limp, tiny tingles shot up my legs to my fingers as they gripped your dog- tags. You released your grip and I pulled you up into my face where I could kiss your eyes.
Sweet whispers, “I love you”.

by me "nix

neat fuckupidness...

[figliadifuoco.livejournal.com]

Broken Doll
dollhouse....designer veneer to camouflage the shaking stick legs
ribcage vibrating with hyperventilation
you can make or break me
without my knowing
without my wanting
you are my world
my brain turns to you and feeds
depression
loving makes me
useless
catatonic
watching the still air in this bedroom and waiting
waiting for monday
when the smell of stale cigarettes will fill my nostrils
and the taste of fresh ones will invade my mouth
with your saliva
you knew how to handle
my vulnerability
and that only made it worse
if loving you wasn't so easy
maybe i could stand
without you
if loving wasn't so easy
maybe
i could be alone
if
maybe

random creativeness...

[figliadifuoco.livejournal.com]

Fix
he tastes of cigarettes
she of coffee
one addiction mingles with the other
creating a new
insatiable desire
for mingling skin
and pools
of midnight sweat