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asylum_onlineI just finished watching the movie For the Love of a Child on lifetime. It was about child abuse and based upon a true story. It seriously broke my heart and I definately shed some tears. Very very sad. I just don't understand how parents--the people in life who are supposed to protect you-can hurt there children so horribly and with the intention of hurting them. It just baffles me and disgusts me.
The women who started ChildHelp USA, Sara and Yvonne....they are incredible people. I truly admire them for having stumbled across this situation and then took it into their hands and hearts to help. There are so many children out there who need help.
I wonder if Laura was okay. I hope she was. It broke my heart when Micheal left and the events turned out the way they did. I knew right when Sara had the bad feeling that it wasn't going to turn out well. *tear* I wonder what happened to Jacob's parents, though. In some ways, it seemed like his mother didn't really mean for it to happen or whatever--like she was too scared to stop it; but I still thik that she should also have gotten in trouble b/c she let it happen and didn't do anything. No matter how scared you are, you child should be the most important thing in your life and if you can't keep him/her safe, then who will?
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Morrison died today, I guess. Marcus was pet-sitting him for me for a couple weeks and he im'd me today. I told him I was watching a really sad movie on lifetime and he was like aww, maybe i should make your day any worse then. I had this gut feeling suddenly that Morrison was dead. And sure enough...he was. Marcus said he left over the weekend and when he got home his roommate sad the heat when out all weekend. Marcus went in to his room and Morrison was already passed.
Morrison was so young....he'd have been only one years old this march. How old is the usual life expectancy of hamsters? Marcus had a hamster that got sick from some genetic disease and died. He just has bad luck I guess. Kind of makes me feel guilty for leaving Morrison in his care. It makes me heart ache, wondering how he died.
Geeze, I've been really emotional all month long. (Yes I'm aware it's only the 9th) I cry at commercials for crying out loud. What's going on with me. I just am overwhelmed with agony and the smallest little thing tat is sad could make me cry. With all the horrorible I've been finding out lately, you'd think I'd be drowing in tears.
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I've been really good with going to the gym this year so far. I took the weekend off, but I went every day last week and will go every day this week, except Friday, because I won't be in town. I lost three pounds since last Tuesday, too, which is definately exciting. I've decided to keep track of my food and calorie intake in a little notebook. I know I've tried before and never kept up for very long, but I think this time I have more motivation. I even bought this little pocket size-ish green notebook to write down everything in from Family Dollar earlier today, which will give me more oompf to want to do it. I'm also only going to weigh myself and do the ribbon test once a week, on Mondays. That way, it's the beginning of the week and if I have an setbacks, I can just say, well, its a enw week, new start. If I do it in the middle of the week, I'll lose myself because it'll be like, well, I can just screw it till next week. I can't say that at the beginning of the week. Yay! So three pounds in one week, I'd say that's a start.
I'm also doing the ribbon test every Monday so that I don't focus so much on the numbers as much as the fact that I'm getting more in shape and more toned. What the ribbon test is, for those who may not know, is that you take a piece of ribbon and cut it to the length around your stomach (or whever you want to lose the wieght) Every time you measure and you get smaller, you cut the length of the ribbon so that each end just touches. I'm also hanging the ribbon on my wall and marking the date of the bottom of the length so I can see my progress. (I also made a mark at the top so I know exactly where the ribbon needs to hang from when I take it down to remeasure.
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I've made a realization that I am not that great and keeping close girlfriends. Whenever I think I have a best friend, something always happens and we drift away. I know its inevitable for people to drift away, but throughout my entire life, every girlfriend I have gotten close to has left; we had some kind of falling out or just plain drifted apart. The only bestie I still have is Jessalynn; I've known her now for four years.
Here is a list of my bestiese throughout the years (roughly)
Kathryn: Probably about 1st grade or so until about the 5th grade. (4 yrs)
Nikki: 5th grade through Sophomore year of HS (6 yrs)
Corryn: Freshman HS until Sophomore Uni (We're still friends, but it seems like we've drifted a whole lot. Idk, actually lately, it doesn't even seem like she wants to be my friend. Idk.) (6 yrs)
Chelsea: Freshman Uni until Jr Uni (2 yrs) We had a big falling out but then got back on track. My sister. Then we had an even bigger falling out and well, now.....my sister is as dead to me as I am to her (even tho I miss her horribly)
Jaquelyn: Sophmore Uni until well......supposedly wer'e still besties now; however, the last time we actually hung out was this past summer. Every time she's supposed to come voer, she bails. She doesn't return my phone calls. Idk. Something changed with her. Idk if its her b/f or what.
Jessalynn: Freshman Uni until present.
Ya.....wow. I'm not very good at keeping close friends, I guess. ::sigh:: It makes me sad and lonely.
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So many people around me are getting engaged or having babies. It kind of sickens me; but only because inside, I am jealous. I want that happiness, you know? It's like...why can't that be me. People who are younger than me are finding it and it makes me feel like I'll never find love or have kids. Maybe I should become a nun, lol. I don't think the convent would ever even accept me with all the sins I've committed.
Lorraine and Matthew--living together; she has a ring so they might as well be engaged.
Corryn and Daniel--living together; engaged
Jaquelyn and Micheal--practically living together; both have promise rings so again, might as well be engaged (hell, maybe they are and I don't even know--some bestie ::sigh:: )
Chelsea: had a baby
Jessie: pregnant, living with the daddy; her baby shower is this coming Sunday
Erika: pregnant; living with daddy; her baby shower was yesterday
Janaya and Mike--own a house, have two kids and are getting married this September
Dennis and Cindy--engaged; he's in Iraq right now.
Dustin and Antonia--just had a baby and are living together
Chris and Whoever--engaged
Gina and Seth--may be pregnant.
Adam and What's her name--engaged.
I'm sure I'm forgetting someone. But wtf....why can't it be me?!?!
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I had a great work out at the gym today. I was there for two and a half hours and it felt great. I went tanning first, then went to the gym and went on the treadmill, then did weight machines, then did some free weights (dumbbells) and then did the corss trainer elliptical machine. Then I went in the spa for a lil while and then the steam room. I adore the steam room. Its just fantastic. It loosens up the phlegm in me too, from ym cold, (sorry for the tmi).
Once I lose twenty pounds, and if I stay faithful to eating right and going to the gym every day, I'm going to treat myself to a massage. It's $40 for an hour for students, which isn't that bad, really. It's about 6 hours of work, if you include the tip, which really isn't all that bad. I should be getting a raise next month, hopefully. *crosses fingers*
Anyways, I best be getting to bed. It's getting late and I want to get up early tomorrow to go to the gym before work at 8 so I can get a couple hours in tomorrow instead of just one hour, since by the time get out of work and done tanning, I'd only have an hour at the gym til they closed.
Ciao bella.
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*edit*
Okay I'm going to list what I consumed today and whatnot and you tell me if it was good or not. Writing it out, I feel like it was a lot, but I know it really wasn't. My friend told me that it was below starvation. We both have struggled with eating disorders for years so I'm trying my damndest not to fall back into that behavior. I just want to be healthy. Tell me what you think, be brutal, be honest.
I'm not going to post my intake every day, because I don't want to become obsessive with it and I know that by telling people, I'll try to consume less, so I'm keeping track in my journal and just for today, I'm posting because I want opinions.
So here goes:
Woke up and showered and whatnot then went tanning and to the gym. I was at the gym for two and a half hours.
Treadmill--30 minutes
Machine Weights--45 minutes
Free wieghts/Little dumbbells--15 minutes
Cross trainer Elliptical--15 minutes
Hot tub and Steamroom-15 minutes
Shower and got ready for work--30 minutes
After my workout I took a One-a-Day Weight Smart.
Sunny D--100 cal (also the first thing I consumed all day; after my workout with the vitamin)
Dixie cup Orange Juice--55 cal
Dixie cup Chex mix--100 cal (this and the orange juice was for snack at work; we are required to eat with the kids)
String Cheese--100 cal
7 triscuits with garden veggie cheese spread--200 cal
Can tomato soup--250 cal
1 cup milk (for soup)--110 cal
10 saltines (in soup)--120 cal
Total: 1035 calories
And then I've been drinking water since I got home from work and had one 24 oz bottle when I was there. (It was gone in an hour and I could have drank another, but I didnt bring anymore in from my car and couldn't go out and get any)
So ya, thats that. What do you think?
(x-posting in journal)
The women who started ChildHelp USA, Sara and Yvonne....they are incredible people. I truly admire them for having stumbled across this situation and then took it into their hands and hearts to help. There are so many children out there who need help.
I wonder if Laura was okay. I hope she was. It broke my heart when Micheal left and the events turned out the way they did. I knew right when Sara had the bad feeling that it wasn't going to turn out well. *tear* I wonder what happened to Jacob's parents, though. In some ways, it seemed like his mother didn't really mean for it to happen or whatever--like she was too scared to stop it; but I still thik that she should also have gotten in trouble b/c she let it happen and didn't do anything. No matter how scared you are, you child should be the most important thing in your life and if you can't keep him/her safe, then who will?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Morrison died today, I guess. Marcus was pet-sitting him for me for a couple weeks and he im'd me today. I told him I was watching a really sad movie on lifetime and he was like aww, maybe i should make your day any worse then. I had this gut feeling suddenly that Morrison was dead. And sure enough...he was. Marcus said he left over the weekend and when he got home his roommate sad the heat when out all weekend. Marcus went in to his room and Morrison was already passed.
Morrison was so young....he'd have been only one years old this march. How old is the usual life expectancy of hamsters? Marcus had a hamster that got sick from some genetic disease and died. He just has bad luck I guess. Kind of makes me feel guilty for leaving Morrison in his care. It makes me heart ache, wondering how he died.
Geeze, I've been really emotional all month long. (Yes I'm aware it's only the 9th) I cry at commercials for crying out loud. What's going on with me. I just am overwhelmed with agony and the smallest little thing tat is sad could make me cry. With all the horrorible I've been finding out lately, you'd think I'd be drowing in tears.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been really good with going to the gym this year so far. I took the weekend off, but I went every day last week and will go every day this week, except Friday, because I won't be in town. I lost three pounds since last Tuesday, too, which is definately exciting. I've decided to keep track of my food and calorie intake in a little notebook. I know I've tried before and never kept up for very long, but I think this time I have more motivation. I even bought this little pocket size-ish green notebook to write down everything in from Family Dollar earlier today, which will give me more oompf to want to do it. I'm also only going to weigh myself and do the ribbon test once a week, on Mondays. That way, it's the beginning of the week and if I have an setbacks, I can just say, well, its a enw week, new start. If I do it in the middle of the week, I'll lose myself because it'll be like, well, I can just screw it till next week. I can't say that at the beginning of the week. Yay! So three pounds in one week, I'd say that's a start.
I'm also doing the ribbon test every Monday so that I don't focus so much on the numbers as much as the fact that I'm getting more in shape and more toned. What the ribbon test is, for those who may not know, is that you take a piece of ribbon and cut it to the length around your stomach (or whever you want to lose the wieght) Every time you measure and you get smaller, you cut the length of the ribbon so that each end just touches. I'm also hanging the ribbon on my wall and marking the date of the bottom of the length so I can see my progress. (I also made a mark at the top so I know exactly where the ribbon needs to hang from when I take it down to remeasure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've made a realization that I am not that great and keeping close girlfriends. Whenever I think I have a best friend, something always happens and we drift away. I know its inevitable for people to drift away, but throughout my entire life, every girlfriend I have gotten close to has left; we had some kind of falling out or just plain drifted apart. The only bestie I still have is Jessalynn; I've known her now for four years.
Here is a list of my bestiese throughout the years (roughly)
Kathryn: Probably about 1st grade or so until about the 5th grade. (4 yrs)
Nikki: 5th grade through Sophomore year of HS (6 yrs)
Corryn: Freshman HS until Sophomore Uni (We're still friends, but it seems like we've drifted a whole lot. Idk, actually lately, it doesn't even seem like she wants to be my friend. Idk.) (6 yrs)
Chelsea: Freshman Uni until Jr Uni (2 yrs) We had a big falling out but then got back on track. My sister. Then we had an even bigger falling out and well, now.....my sister is as dead to me as I am to her (even tho I miss her horribly)
Jaquelyn: Sophmore Uni until well......supposedly wer'e still besties now; however, the last time we actually hung out was this past summer. Every time she's supposed to come voer, she bails. She doesn't return my phone calls. Idk. Something changed with her. Idk if its her b/f or what.
Jessalynn: Freshman Uni until present.
Ya.....wow. I'm not very good at keeping close friends, I guess. ::sigh:: It makes me sad and lonely.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So many people around me are getting engaged or having babies. It kind of sickens me; but only because inside, I am jealous. I want that happiness, you know? It's like...why can't that be me. People who are younger than me are finding it and it makes me feel like I'll never find love or have kids. Maybe I should become a nun, lol. I don't think the convent would ever even accept me with all the sins I've committed.
Lorraine and Matthew--living together; she has a ring so they might as well be engaged.
Corryn and Daniel--living together; engaged
Jaquelyn and Micheal--practically living together; both have promise rings so again, might as well be engaged (hell, maybe they are and I don't even know--some bestie ::sigh:: )
Chelsea: had a baby
Jessie: pregnant, living with the daddy; her baby shower is this coming Sunday
Erika: pregnant; living with daddy; her baby shower was yesterday
Janaya and Mike--own a house, have two kids and are getting married this September
Dennis and Cindy--engaged; he's in Iraq right now.
Dustin and Antonia--just had a baby and are living together
Chris and Whoever--engaged
Gina and Seth--may be pregnant.
Adam and What's her name--engaged.
I'm sure I'm forgetting someone. But wtf....why can't it be me?!?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a great work out at the gym today. I was there for two and a half hours and it felt great. I went tanning first, then went to the gym and went on the treadmill, then did weight machines, then did some free weights (dumbbells) and then did the corss trainer elliptical machine. Then I went in the spa for a lil while and then the steam room. I adore the steam room. Its just fantastic. It loosens up the phlegm in me too, from ym cold, (sorry for the tmi).
Once I lose twenty pounds, and if I stay faithful to eating right and going to the gym every day, I'm going to treat myself to a massage. It's $40 for an hour for students, which isn't that bad, really. It's about 6 hours of work, if you include the tip, which really isn't all that bad. I should be getting a raise next month, hopefully. *crosses fingers*
Anyways, I best be getting to bed. It's getting late and I want to get up early tomorrow to go to the gym before work at 8 so I can get a couple hours in tomorrow instead of just one hour, since by the time get out of work and done tanning, I'd only have an hour at the gym til they closed.
Ciao bella.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
*edit*
Okay I'm going to list what I consumed today and whatnot and you tell me if it was good or not. Writing it out, I feel like it was a lot, but I know it really wasn't. My friend told me that it was below starvation. We both have struggled with eating disorders for years so I'm trying my damndest not to fall back into that behavior. I just want to be healthy. Tell me what you think, be brutal, be honest.
I'm not going to post my intake every day, because I don't want to become obsessive with it and I know that by telling people, I'll try to consume less, so I'm keeping track in my journal and just for today, I'm posting because I want opinions.
So here goes:
Woke up and showered and whatnot then went tanning and to the gym. I was at the gym for two and a half hours.
Treadmill--30 minutes
Machine Weights--45 minutes
Free wieghts/Little dumbbells--15 minutes
Cross trainer Elliptical--15 minutes
Hot tub and Steamroom-15 minutes
Shower and got ready for work--30 minutes
After my workout I took a One-a-Day Weight Smart.
Sunny D--100 cal (also the first thing I consumed all day; after my workout with the vitamin)
Dixie cup Orange Juice--55 cal
Dixie cup Chex mix--100 cal (this and the orange juice was for snack at work; we are required to eat with the kids)
String Cheese--100 cal
7 triscuits with garden veggie cheese spread--200 cal
Can tomato soup--250 cal
1 cup milk (for soup)--110 cal
10 saltines (in soup)--120 cal
Total: 1035 calories
And then I've been drinking water since I got home from work and had one 24 oz bottle when I was there. (It was gone in an hour and I could have drank another, but I didnt bring anymore in from my car and couldn't go out and get any)
So ya, thats that. What do you think?
(x-posting in journal)
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