http://wiisp.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
wiisp.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
asylum_online2008-06-10 11:46 am
wiisp.livejournal.com) wrote in asylum_online2008-06-10 11:46 am
(no subject)
I'm currently kicking myself for signing up for this summer walking class. I know I need to do it in the summer, or I won't get it done... but I hate having to spend my break in this town. I'm taking "walking for fitness" four days a week for a month, and apparently contrary to the sections of this class taught by the other teachers, my teacher likes to throw in things that aren't walking... today we're doing a push up and sit up assessment and taking our body compositions. This does not thrill me. I took the class because I want to get back into shape, but I wanted to do it by walking, not by doing push ups and sit ups (I can't even DO push ups and never could, even when I was really in shape).
Yesterday we did a walking assessment - timing ourselves walking one mile. The teacher didn't stretch us out as much as I needed, and almost immediately my muscles froze up, making it very difficult to walk and adding over six minutes to the time it normally takes me to walk a mile. Not to mention that as soon as I stopped walking at the end, I nearly fell over because my legs felt like jelly. I have always hated doing physical activity in front of strangers (which is why I got out of shape in the first place), and this class is full of strangers who make me very uncomfortable. They remind me of the people who used to make fun of me in middle school and my mind is NOT in a happy place while I'm walking in front of them.
I like our teacher; she's very nice and motivational... but I am SO uncomfortable with some of the other students. I'm already upset that I have to be in this city that I hate so much, and now I've got the added stress of feeling like my classmates are judging me. I was doing so much better with this mental shit since going back home with my boyfriend last month, and I'm trying desperately to keep my positive outlook from slipping away. Feeling rather pathetic about the fact that this can affect it so much too, though if I detailed my past experiences it would be clear that I have good reasons... they just aren't reasons I like to revisit. I'd like to know how I'm supposed to keep this up - doctors typically recommend starting a walking regimen at fifteen minutes a day for a beginner, and yesterday we did an hour. The heat debilitates my body to a ridiculous degree (it's been around 95 degrees here lately and it just keeps getting hotter), and I am really waiting for the moment when my body shuts down in the middle of class and I just fall over.
Yay embarrassment.
Yesterday we did a walking assessment - timing ourselves walking one mile. The teacher didn't stretch us out as much as I needed, and almost immediately my muscles froze up, making it very difficult to walk and adding over six minutes to the time it normally takes me to walk a mile. Not to mention that as soon as I stopped walking at the end, I nearly fell over because my legs felt like jelly. I have always hated doing physical activity in front of strangers (which is why I got out of shape in the first place), and this class is full of strangers who make me very uncomfortable. They remind me of the people who used to make fun of me in middle school and my mind is NOT in a happy place while I'm walking in front of them.
I like our teacher; she's very nice and motivational... but I am SO uncomfortable with some of the other students. I'm already upset that I have to be in this city that I hate so much, and now I've got the added stress of feeling like my classmates are judging me. I was doing so much better with this mental shit since going back home with my boyfriend last month, and I'm trying desperately to keep my positive outlook from slipping away. Feeling rather pathetic about the fact that this can affect it so much too, though if I detailed my past experiences it would be clear that I have good reasons... they just aren't reasons I like to revisit. I'd like to know how I'm supposed to keep this up - doctors typically recommend starting a walking regimen at fifteen minutes a day for a beginner, and yesterday we did an hour. The heat debilitates my body to a ridiculous degree (it's been around 95 degrees here lately and it just keeps getting hotter), and I am really waiting for the moment when my body shuts down in the middle of class and I just fall over.
Yay embarrassment.