(no subject)

[xriverxjoix]

anybody around here? i’m not even sure how long it’s been since i was in here, and i don’t know if anyone will remember me; but i could use some company. i’m currently about halfway thro the process of divorcing the guy who was simultaneously the love of my life, and really toxic/semi abusive. i know i should feel happy, and proud of myself, and strong, for finally sticking up for myself. but mostly i just feel so lonely that it’s hard to get up in the morning. i’m exhausting my coping mechanisms, and i feel like my friends don’t understand, altho they’re trying to be supportive. i don’t know what to do next.

(for context, i suppose...i used to hang out here on lj, an eternity ago. i have borderline pd, an autism spectrum disorder, chronic depression and anxiety. i was married to my now ex for 8 years; he’s a narcissist among other things, which is actually probably why we lasted as long as we did, but once we had kids and it stopped being all about him, he lost interest in me and the whole thing fell apart. among other stuff.)