am i being selfish?

[willowashes.livejournal.com]

by feeling?
loving
trying always trying.
and hoping all the time.
listening to endless songs.
yet nothing can break my mind from you.
being selfish wishing i could stop feeling.
not meeting you.
preying to god. when i left them behind years ago.
for a sign.

"stop being selfish"
"start thinking more for yourself"

i haven't stopped crying for days.
months even. when i sleep alone. but when haven't i?

"when are you going to have your happiness?" i've been asked
is it wrong that i respond with my own suicide?
that thats all i want if i can't have you. stupid!
i feel so stupid.