On the edge of reality

[dissociatedmind.livejournal.com]

I've been addicted to drugs for an unknown amount of years now.
I can honestly say they've made me who I am today, which is part of what scares me about my life the most.

I have been diagnosed with two out of four dissociative disorders.
Depersonalization/Derealization and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

At times I struggle with who I am, who I want to be, and how I have changed so fast.
This world seems very surreal, as does my physical vessel. I am simply a being floating in this body, in a world of endless questions with limited answers.

I can't tell if I'm depressed because of the drugs, my disorders, or for other reasons.
I'm not really suicidal, I could never bring myself to out myself.  I simply don't want to exist.

Can anyone sympathize?