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May. 8th, 2009 01:16 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
krazyside.livejournal.comAs readers may have noticed, I've been feeling rejected, miserable and crappy recently. It is mainly someone elses behaviour and my foolish reliance on them. I'm under the impression that a certain person isn't really as good a pal as they like to make out, and I'm plenty pissed, frankly.
It all comes down to not knowing how to feel. Do I have the right to be offended that X not only no longer responds to requests to meet up for coffee / beer, but also that they basically snubbed me a couple of weeks ago by making a big fat hairy deal about how they were going out clubbing then stood me up as soon as they realised that all their other friends were staying at home? Do I have the right to be unhappy about anything, in fact? Maybe I suck so much that I should be pathetically grateful for the few crumbs of affection I do get. I really don't know, but my (notoriously unreliable in these matters) brain is telling me that this person is NOT MY FWIEND BAAAAAW! and HATE HATE HATES ME, so I guess I should do what it says and sort of avoid them.
But then... I just wish I could trust myself. Probably what's going to happen is that I'll go along with whatever flow is happening at the time and let this person's apparent shallowness sort itsself out. It gets ridiculous after enough time has passed; if someone's all buddy-buddy with you but they only bother to speak to you every three months, treating you with offhand rudeness whenever they don't want your company, then you can't really sustain any kind of friendship with them. Mainly I hope I don't just lose my rag and tell them to fuck off, as that would be an over reaction.
It all comes down to not knowing how to feel. Do I have the right to be offended that X not only no longer responds to requests to meet up for coffee / beer, but also that they basically snubbed me a couple of weeks ago by making a big fat hairy deal about how they were going out clubbing then stood me up as soon as they realised that all their other friends were staying at home? Do I have the right to be unhappy about anything, in fact? Maybe I suck so much that I should be pathetically grateful for the few crumbs of affection I do get. I really don't know, but my (notoriously unreliable in these matters) brain is telling me that this person is NOT MY FWIEND BAAAAAW! and HATE HATE HATES ME, so I guess I should do what it says and sort of avoid them.
But then... I just wish I could trust myself. Probably what's going to happen is that I'll go along with whatever flow is happening at the time and let this person's apparent shallowness sort itsself out. It gets ridiculous after enough time has passed; if someone's all buddy-buddy with you but they only bother to speak to you every three months, treating you with offhand rudeness whenever they don't want your company, then you can't really sustain any kind of friendship with them. Mainly I hope I don't just lose my rag and tell them to fuck off, as that would be an over reaction.
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