Stay for tea?

[her-disease.livejournal.com]

Things change with the seasons.Time heals old wounds.Sometimes it allows you to forget.

My drinking has got me into trouble.Besides the meds I'm on and the annoyingly stupid situations, my main problem is my liver.I have a sneaking suspicion that it may be a little fucked.The doctor will be able to tell me at least. I'm am no where near dependency, just poor impulse control.

I have been going for five element acupuncture.Apparently I'm not connected to my spirit.Don't knock it till you try it.It doesn't really matter what I believe to be true -- it's just different metaphors for the same thing. I am trying to stay off the drink and hopefully will try to stop smoking.
My mood swings have dissipated.Something must be working.

I am going home to South Africa.My family are moving to Capetown which is far less dangerous than Pretoria where I grew up.Unfortunately I will be in Pretoria for a few weeks to help them pack. I considered staying, but decided to start college here in Ireland.I despise Dublin so it's good having something back to fall on.I would love to move to Galway eventually or London.When I am stable and capable.I find it hard to keep a job.

I guess I am still a little isolated.I don't particularly like the friends I do have. Things have grown stale and too many bridges have been burnt.The idea of having a clean slate is romantic but seems unlikely.The people I know are unstable, complacent, manipulative and destructive. I would love to meet someone without baggage and scars.I tire of watching people crash and burn.Selfish, I know, but at the moment I have to focus on my survival and then perhaps I'll play the good samaritan.

I have to survive and learn to live.I refuse to drown in any of this and if that means letting everyone else sink then so be it.

(no subject)

[krazyside.livejournal.com]

Good grief, Charlie Brown. My selfish-emo-betch ex and her bidiot boyfriend are coming to this shindig. My dumb fuck mistake; he was the one who I heard about it through (or rather, his facebook highlight came up on my page). I had thought we were friends but basically they have begun to subtly fuck me off for no apparent reason; not answering texts and standing me up; avoiding me so they can avoid telling me what they *really* think, or at least so my fuckwitted brain circuitry thinks.

So now I have the unenviable choice of spending an evening politely nodding at people who have unaccountably begun to snub me until my head falls off or staying away and missing out on a potential source of FUN. I have a horrible feeling I am actually going to go through with it as well; anyway, it's a month away so that gives me more time to find out exactly why I'm being snubbed, ie is it just selfishness or something I have actually done (and that would really be wierd since they've left it kind of late to be pissed off and haven't given any real positive indication of this).

Fucking ignorant asshole selfish twat people who are too fucking insensitive to know when they've hurt someone, or to give a shit. Fucking malfunctioning brain. DAMN IT!

I've had better days

[dark-paradise2.livejournal.com]

The past few days have been hell. I went crazy from hating myself so much. I usually listen to my ipod, but it wasn't working that day, and I hadn't taken any pills. I decided to talk to someone I trusted who ratted me out to my parents the first chance they got. I cut myself and cried in my closet. My parents thought I was ungrateful for all they've done and that I was calling them bad parents.

I was just saying that I hate the way I am: an introvert whose full of hate, a Christian whose supposed to have iron stron faith but doesn't, cold hearted, liar, a coward who fear trusting anyone, and as short and ugly as a troll. And this is me cutting my list short.

Long story short, my parents are no longer giving me a car for my 18th birthday, I'm doomed to be a loser for the rest of my highschool career, I want to move away from this damned city so I can start of college not being a loser, and I'm being sent to counseling. I've had better days.

(no subject)

[strawberrychans.livejournal.com]

Right, so today I learned I'M NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC, I just have synesthesia.

Which explains a lot; as a kid I learned the days of the week ect because of their color (ex- Thursday is deep red w burgundy stripes while Tuesday is bright yellow) aaaaaand as of late it's been much more vibrant, then I found the book A Mango Shaped Space which is terrible but is about a 13 year old girl with the condition, and here I am now.


It's kind of a shame though. It's as if now that I know that there's a name for it, and that it's something different the colors are overwhelming me. I can't really enjoy music anymore without the colors consuming me :/