Perhaps I should request Prozac?

[tankgirl2481.livejournal.com]

PROZAC NATION was a movie that really truly made me cry.

I didn't cry because the boy didn't get the girl or because the mommy died...

I cried because I thought the same thoughts and I felt the same way and I went through the same things....

For those who have watched it read on (although I don't think I'm going to spoil anything):

I felt the same way about things that the main character, Christina Ricci, did.
My train of logic paralleled on hers to almost an exact match.

The only three things I differed with the main character in were:
-I am a mathematics major.
-My parents never divorced.
-(This is if I had the same boyfriend and circumstance she had in the movie): After I met my boyfriends sister I would not have come to the same conclusion as her about her boyfriends motives. Although I wouldn't have thought what she had, I still understand how and why she went that way in her mind.

It was very upsetting to see my irrational and (to me)-logical thoughts be said by someone else...

After I finished watching the movie I was caught between two concepts of which neither could I fully adhere to:
-This movie should make me feel a little less uneasy, seeing as how others are as exponentially different from the overwhelming population as myself.
-I really need to do something about my attitudes and thought patterns before I chase everyone out of my life and I end up alone or worse, hated by everyone I have ever truly cared about.

I really want to find some solace in the fact that there are others who feel those twisted emotions as heavy as I do, making it near impossible to see things in any other way but in the complete shadow of the emotion at hand; But I cannot and I'm not sure why...

What do you think?

[tankgirl2481.livejournal.com]

Has anyone ever tried to explain to their non-insane friends something that was overwhelmingly/abundently clear to you but realized that no matter how hard you tried, no matter what words you used, no matter how long you went on and on, you just couldn't get them to understand?

Hmmm... I hope that sentence was understandable... My english teacher is crying somewhere right now.

But seriously this has happened to me recently.
I just couldn't for the life(sanity) explain to a friend that was a girl, something I thought was just fucking ridiculously obvious.

The concept:
When someone says that they are jealous of you being around a guy (i.e. just hanging out, watching a movie, getting a coffee) when it's just the two of you....
Well then touching that person is a FUCKING no no.
I assumed once I said that I was jealous of them being around each other that it would be clear as FUCKING anything that you should under no circumstance touch that boy, and whoa-fucking-nelly they didn't just touch they grappled and play fought.

What do you guys think?

She said it made no sense to her...
No amount of words nor time led to her understanding.
I am sooooo crazy!

:$

My very own first post...

[rotting-angel.livejournal.com]

I have an arty rant to share with you folks. I thought you might appriciate it. My Sprout calls it poetry. I never call my writing that but theres a few more trys in my journal if anyone is interested in more afterwards.
I thought maybe I should introduce myself first... I'm chantal. That's my birth name. I go by a number of nicknames. My username rotting angel I have cus the boyfriend calls me his angel... But I feel like a rotting dead terrible person inside so... yes. Theres that. You all can call me whatever it is you come up with. I love nicknames. I go buy Sugar Cyanide and kitten sometimes. So take your pick or make me a new one.
I'm twenty-one and I feel like I should have grown out of the things that roll through my head, or the pesimistic hopeless bullshit I go through during various periods. 
I live in minnesota I was born here. I live with my boyfriend and his family. I'm extremely homesick but don't quite know what to do about that as I've got no home to go to. 
I thought I'd explain all that so I don't have to explain why you hear me talk about being homesick or whatever cus I do it a lot. Theres a number of things I'll explain further in my journal once I get a chance to get brave about it. I've beent hrough a lot.
Anyways. . . *Blushes and clears throat.* Now for art.

How can you?

How can you claim to hear my cries,
When they're really more like screams,
Close to your face,
Begging,pleading,even raging,
Just for a simple change,
Some time, some space, some energy,
That I can clearly see,
Was there Just for Me.
I'm not you.
I need appriciation.
Validation.
I can't work thanklessly.
Clean for people who don't care,
wait for someone who's never going to be there.
How can you claim to understand
and still take no action.
I know you can see me breaking
And still your undertaking
all these unimportant things.
You can't do it all in one weekend you said.
And I will be the one lost in the end.
Cast aside for "more important plans.
So you can pretend I'm spoiled and selfish,
for complaining again.
"shut up" you don't want to hear it,
You got it from dad, you got to go to work,
don't ruine the good mood after.
hold your tongue forever and after.
Don't rock the boat.
Don't tease the lion.
You might get eaten or tossed overboard.
Then where would you be?
In the dark. Alone. Lost.
Funny....
That's how I feel now.