Hmmm

[spizzyfly.livejournal.com]

It's been... a while since I've posted here, since I've paid attention here.. and this is bad. But I know someone is awake in this mass, that someone lives at ths time of night because we all hail from different nations, different sides of the world.

Aiy, I am the drunken one at the moment, I am tired and drunk and I am drunk because I became a shift manager at work two weeks ago and now I am not. I am drunk because I told my boyfriend to put a deposit down on that apartment because I had fnially made it into a secure position and made enough to afford half the rent.

I am drunk because the new manager demoted me. Cut my hours in half.. and shunned me out of a shift manager position with promises of when you turn 18. God.. I'm 17 now.. I have an apartment I can't afford. I'm sobbing because I was getting out of this hell hole... But I'm making excuses as to why I'm drunk.

It's unfair, the world is unfair. I was a shift manager and he gives me the hours of a simple instore.

And because I'm drunk... this is why I pierced my ear cuff.

...

I piierced it and now there's a black hole around the entry point.

....

God I'm fuckng dumb but I poured rubbing alcohol on hit.. I'm trying to take care of it but I'm so afraid of my ear bloating up and becoming infected because I know by my cloosest friend that cartiledge is -especially- sensitive to infection.

I'm afraid, but I needed this piercing, I needed to punch this hole with a (rubbing alcohol doused) safety pin. I needed this. To feel this -physical- pain instead of the emotional pain of telling this beautiful boy ( father of my dead children) that I can't move in with him, I can't afford it.

One of you.. you understand this... right?