Short Bus? Any takers?

[persephone-thea.livejournal.com]

I feel like everyday is a new transition. I can feel the constant change in my life and the events that lead up to them. I feel like I can handle new situations and development's with more insight and knowledge. I can accept things... no matter how difficult it is. 

Its almost like being outside of myself, and being my own conscience. I feel that I am finally doing what is right for me and that the things in my life are all happening for a reason.

I love how complex people are. I love how complex I am. The good and the bad. I am learning to let go, I am learning to move forward and I am learning how to love myself; even if the other people around me dont love me anymore. 

I like being me, I always have and I wouldnt want to be anyone else... well maybe for a day or a week, just to see what its like, but thats just another part of me... I live half in fantasy and I like it that way.

I deal with the realities of life as they come, but it is nice to have a little corner of my mind to curl up in and pretend... its what makes me unique. I am special dammit!! Some would say I am the 'short bus' kind of special, but you know what? The people on the short bus are happy and they love freely, what is so fucking wrong with that?

(x-posted to my LJ)

(no subject)

[dont-hold-me-up.livejournal.com]

anyone awake wanna talk?

(no subject)

[silenceiskey.livejournal.com]

Something is wrong with my brain, its stupid. Probably post more later, I have to go to school in 3 minutes.

white & nerdy

[dont-hold-me-up.livejournal.com]

Yeah so I really need to go back to school. I have nothing to do here. I was just sitting here for a good 20 minutes playing a web browser rpg. Yeah talk about geek. I think I'll upgrade from a web rpg to an actual video game rpg and go play Star Ocean or something. So yeah that's my exciting life.

(no subject)

[silenceiskey.livejournal.com]

Today started off on the left foot, not my usual thing. I was having second thoughts about the boy, ironically. He's like me, angry for the most part, fucked up, wants to fix it but doesn't want the help of others to do it. I only wanted to help. He wont even tell me how he feels usually. Of course I respect that he wishes to do this by himself, but you know...I still felt bad that I couldn't do anything.

So anyway this was causing some anxiety and my anxiety disorder just went through the roof by this morning. I'm on the bus ready to fucking cry, which in itself is weird. I'm not really prone to sadness, anger is my thing, but I was very sad today. So I get to school and I see one of my best friends for the first time in forever and we realize we have a good 15 minutes before class so we run out of school to other side of the lot and smoke so I can calm down. That felt GOOD.

Blah blah blah, school sucked and I was convinced the boy was upset with me or something. I get home and he calls me out of the blue. This has never happened before. So we talked a little bit about nothing because we're both too pig headed to share anything personal (I want to fix that). But we're okay. I told him to go to sleep before he hung up. He said it would be better if I were there while he slept. I'm such a sucker for attention.

I feel better. Sorry this is so long.