(no subject)

[wiisp.livejournal.com]

it's there most of the time. a thin layer of dull emotional achiness over everything. it's been there for so long i didn't even realize it was there until tonight. i always realize obvious things about myself that i've overlooked when i experience something that upsets me a lot.

this layer of ache taints all of my emotions. even at my happiest i still feel twinges of anxiety and loneliness. and i've been feeling 'homesick' increasingly often lately, even when i'm at home. add in how easily i pick up others' emotions and think they're my own and stir... you get the inside of my head!

no matter how hard i try to hold on to my anger toward my father it always just turns to hurt. a feeling of betrayal. i wonder if i'm overreacting to this, but really it's not about this one incident, it's about an entire life full of snide comments and raised, booming voices.

*sigh*

i'm going to bed.