don't be alarmed

[undivinemartyrx.livejournal.com]

I wrote a suicide letter. However I am not intending to kill myself. Nor will I ever kill myself, this is just something I felt I needed to write.

 

( warning: possibly upsetting material )

For ravenreese

[happynekko.livejournal.com]

I went searching around for the name of the hypoallergenic eye-liner I told you about earlier....

This stuff is pretty good (thats a link by the way)

Its got vitamin E which is really good for your skin and it doesn't pull on the skin under your eye, which I find irritates my eye even more then the actuall make-up. Its a little expensive, but, as I've discovered, the good stuff generally is.

I'll keep an eye out (no pun intended) for anything else I think you might be interested in (and hopefully cheaper)

Hope this helps!!

Random shards

[figliadifuoco.livejournal.com]

Some three-AM revelation came to me before dawn breathed on the windows; early it trickled through the stress and the fatigue. Still, it lingers in the head-stage, where I don't know it down to the ground.

Through the subconscious teachings of my mother, I cling to things that are bound and determined to die. I'm so convinced of my own inability to function as a single entity, I travel from man to man like an electrical impulse leaping neuron-electron-neuron. Positive-negative-positive. Two AM arguments and the car sputters awake when the cold of midnight still lingers in the seats and on the keys. We're trapped in our own incompetence and my desire to escape still isn't as great as my desire to be loved by someone who has forgotten how to love.

I'm sitting on the edge of our bed listening to my boyfriend practice lying to his parole officer. The words seem to fall out of his mouth; they are his own and convincing enough because they need to be so that we can sleep assured of our safety, at least for the night. The stakes are high for him; if he's convincing, he keeps his freedom. If he isn't, he goes to jail. Two years of jail. He wouldn't walk away an old man, but he would walk away a hardened one. A man shackled by fear isn't a man at all. He is Alex from A Clockwork Orange, a living breathing machine-man ruled solely by the desires of others.

My nails are running up and down his back biting into his skin while he shakes and mutters, and afterwards, we make love. It's the first time we have done so. Not the first time we've had sex, no. It's the first time we've done anything with passion; the only time we've been seeking something less tangible than physical pleasure. This time, I breathe his breath and taste his sweat. It will be the only time I do so; passion and fear are very close, and he rarely acknowledges either.

(no subject)

[figliadifuoco.livejournal.com]

You, babydoll

somehow now I'm
all the things I said
"I'll never"
to.
Some sex-scented pandering homebody
you should hear how I
catch myself
time and again.

It's you, babydoll
In my head
in my breath
in my blood.

It's your ground-down teeth and sleep-drenched laughter.

The way you know
just what you can say.

You'll never say "I love you"
probably.

You'll never leave me, though.

I'm settled now;
settled into something that we both see as safety.

I'll be your safety-net
I'll be your orgasm machine.

Only for you,
babydoll.

(no subject)

[happynekko.livejournal.com]

Ddautta

This little cartoon just made my day.

this ain't the west or the east side...it's the dark side

[domocles.livejournal.com]

don't toy with me you stupid muppet!!!!!

"TLC"

[carrion-heart.livejournal.com]

(no subject)

[http://users.livejournal.com/-shevian-/]

I feel so empty. I feel like I'm looking in on my life from the outside... not living it.. hmm.. well, it looks like she's having a pretty good time, though.

I just want to FEEL again..

Haha! Damn, that sounds emo, but.. eh.

(no subject)

[nienanin.livejournal.com]

The Fight of Love and Hate

You have insulted me
I could not believe it
after many years of friendship
you are trying to end it

Something has to be done
and I have an excellent idea
we'll fist fight each other
until one of us quivers on the ground
with death at our heals

I am confident that I'll win
since I am much stronger than you are
in physical strength and emotional strength
I know what makes you mad
and I know you very well...which is an advantage

But you did not take the time to know me well
and forgot all the details
so you have an disadvantage
I have many supporting friends
and you have many disapproving fiends

I call up the principal
and talked her into doing my idea
she says it's fine but if it gets bad
we'll stop the bloody hell

I give each other a week to prepare
and then off to the high school field we flair
Many of my teachers and supporters and friends are there
and many of your teachers and supporters and friends are there

We are located at the football field
I see him and them standing at my sideline
and you see them standing at your sideline
We line up in the middle of the grassy field
and the principal yells the final call

I start by slapping your ugly face
and you imitate me on my face
You throw a punch at me
but I got it with my left hand luckily

You fight with your other arm
but I capture that wrist firm
I pull your arms over your head
and make a knot just above your neck

You scream in pain and tell me if that's the best I could do
and I respond yelling "what about you?"
You unhook your swelling arms
and throw a full punch at my face

You hit me this time
and blood spills from my lip
I see it dripple down my face
like a basket ball drippling down a court

My side yells "boos"
and your side cheers for the first punch
anger rides up my spine
and I throw a punch at your behind

You yelp in pain and my fist hits your bottom
and you turn around and spit in my face
I whip the blood from my lips and throw another
powerful punch at your face

You stagger in pain as it blows you
to the wet ground where I pin you
I fall ontop of your ugly body
and put your hands underneath your belly

I sit my knee tightly on your stomach keeping your hands pined to the ground
I keep punching your face with all my might
and I keep telling you that you are an ugly faggit
finally, black and bruised I let you go and you
throw a mighty fine blow

I stagger backwards into him
and he catches me into his arms
He pushes me back into the field
tell me that I'll win but I should yield

We fight for another hour
and then I finally use all my power
and I punch you in the gut
and you fall down in a rut

The crowd goes wild
as I had beaten that ugly child
and I slowly stand up from my position
and I show them my final expression

It's an expression of saddness and happiness
but only the ones that know me well see
and came over to comfort me
He came and so did she

Telling me what a fine job I did
getting rid of the ugly git
she looks like she has some broken bones
and I know that I have some too

They carry me off to the hospital
where I'll recover and all
a few weeks go bye
and I finnally say goodbye

I leave to go back to school
where I'm cool
everyone cheers me to the point
where my earing goes blank for a moment

My story ends here now
as I have finally destroyed my row
I will have scars from this fight
but I have won with all my might

Author's Note:
I wrote ANOTHER Poem-story! I think it's a GREAT way to get your feelings out. I LOVE to day dream and this is a way to get rid of them ;) enjoy! Comments/suggestions are welcome!

bored?

[jane-deux.livejournal.com]

KittenWar
i'm addicted
♥wren

....

[deorcfata.livejournal.com]

He was right. I am cold hearted, and vain.

But, atleast I dont lock myself away. Atleast I can admit when being wrong. Who hit you upside the head with the philosphy brick? Cause you really suck at it.

♥ But, maybe you were just what I needed to get the passion back in my life.

Protector

[scryptic.livejournal.com]

There's a certain confidence in knowing, though you are the protector, that you are not alone. It's a strange comfort. And though I don't yet know who it is I speak to every day I just can't wait to have them in my arms.

Confidence and tranquility...I know these past few months have been a roller coaster for me and anyone close enough to be burdened by my thoughts yet I have to say the calm that does follow is like none I've ever felt before.

And through this time of self-evaluation and transformation I've come to terms with the fact that I, though strong in my own mind, did many things in life to gain the acceptance of others. My parents especially. Which I suppose to some degree is normal but the extent I did so I don't feel was. I became numb somewhere during my adolescence, to pinpoint the moment would take a road of reflection I'd rather not re-trace. And through this numbness I did without want or need, merely to do and to feel that my actions where in some way progressing my life. Life as a robot, achieve and move forward. Yet the reality of who I am was caught, winded, caged and kept. I was achieving and failing at the same time.

Basically to sum it up this turn of events in my life has given me a new perspective. I've found a new reason for everything and also found that my contentment is reason enough otherwise. It's not about them anymore, the people, the faces, the background noise. It is about me and my child, whoever shall make their entrance and though I do have many struggles ahead there is also contentment there as well. For I know what it will take to make me feel accomplished. It's no longer about climbing ladders and gaining titles. It's about family, love, security and expression. And as long as I can secure my child's happiness I can secure my own and be and do what I have always wanted. I can pick up the pen again and break the chains.

Just some random thoughts for the night.