i think i need help

[jeezis.livejournal.com]

i went to a wedding today. i think something snapped in my head. i walked out of the wedding a little before the end, and just went to the car. then i didn't go to the reception. i just stayed in the car for 5 hours. my dad came out and took the keys and turned off the car, and i stayed there. i just layed in the back of a closed up van for about 2 hours until my mom came out and freaked out. she said i could have died...and i didn't care. i won't commit suicide directly i suppose. i could have gotten out of the car at any time, but i just laid there and let the sweat pour down my face and didn't move. i felt like crying, but i can't cry. i CAN'T. i try to and nothing happens. i was mean to my mom when she came and tried to get me to come inside. i didn't even speak to any of the benzes, who i've known for years. i never left the car for 5 hours.

i could have died in that car. but the thing is...i didn't care if i lived or died.

there is something seriously wrong with me.

i've withdrawn from everyone. i don't want to be around people period. and all this happened in the space of a few hours. i don't understand. i think i've given up on ever understanding.

i almost wish i had stayed closed up in there for just a while longer.

(no subject)

[insane-whispers.livejournal.com]

What comes to mind when I say: Peek-a-Boo! ?

what i was listening to...on repeat

[jeezis.livejournal.com]

I feel like I wanna smack somebody
Turn around and bitch slap somebody (bitch)
But I ain't goin' out bro (no, no, no)
I ain't givin' into it (no, no, no)
Anxieties bash my mind in
Terrorizing my soul like Bin Laden
But I ain't fallin' down bro (no, no, no)
I won't lose control bro (no, no, no)
Shackle and chained
My soul feels stained
I can't explain got an itch on my brain
Lately my whole aim is to maintain
And regain control of my mainframe
My bloods boiling its beatin' out propaine
My train of thoughts more like a runaway train
I'm in a fast car drivin' in a fast lane
In the rain and I'm might just hydroplane

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

My head keeps running away my brother
The only thing making me stay my brother
But I won't give into it bro (no, no, no)
Gotta get myself back now
God, I can't let my mind be
Tell my enemy is my own
Gots to find my inner wealth
Gots to hold up my thoughts
I can't get caught (no, no, no)
I can't give into it now (no, no, no)
Emotions are trapped set on lock
Got my brain stuck goin through the motions
Only I know what's up
I'm filled up with pain
Tryin' to gain my sanity
Everywhere I turn its a dead end infront of me
With nowhere to go gotta shake this anxiety
Got me feelin' strange paranoia took over me
And its weighin' me down
And I can't run any longer, yo
Knees to the ground

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Takin' away my anxiety

(no subject)

[xlovexyourxhate.livejournal.com]

3 cheers to an unfair universe

The Mad Ones

[scryptic.livejournal.com]

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!"

Jack Kerouac

new lj

[undivinemartyrx.livejournal.com]

hey its me xlovexyourxhate. I felt it was time for a new lj. Thats all just wanted to let you know.

(no subject)

[deorcfata.livejournal.com]

So i finally got my own personal modeling page up. I wanna know what everyone thinks so here:




Oh and feel free to use that for your page if wer elike friends and you love me and want to support me.

just lemme know...

[dangerbaby3000.livejournal.com]

could anyone possibly tell me how you "host pictures"? i would like to try it out, let you all bask in the glory of God and her Image. maybe.

x-posted

[satans-harlotte.livejournal.com]

( a longing of mine )