Rant

[scryptic.livejournal.com]

Going through a bad, selfish space right now. Wrote this last night and went to bed volatile:

*growls*

I'm going on a goddamn strike. You read me...a pregnancy strike. Fuck these bad moods, fuck these back aches, fuck this morning sickness, fuck these hormones.

I try my best to just suck it up and deal with it but I'm damn well useless right now. I attempt to do something, I can't because it tires me out too quickly. Or I miss out on plans because I fall asleep, or I'm busy puking or trying to keep my meal down.

I can't even shop anymore because what used to fit me would look ridiculous.

Yeah, I know it's not all about me anymore but I'll be damned if it isn't all about me RIGHT NOW.

I wanna put my fist through the friggin' wall. The looks, the talking behind my back.

That stupid bastard being unable to help me with this responsibility. He could change, he could fix himself. He just won't. I'm going to get the backlash for his immaturity from my child. #^%$#&$#&^!!!!!!!!! Because Gods only know that any single Mum is the bad guy, right? The man hating Nazi femme. And because I agree that he, as he is, is too unstable to be a Dad, I'm condoning a 'one parent household that could in turn damage the child'. Yes, let's not acknowledge that I'm going to be a damn good mother and devote my life and every ounce of my soul to this child. No Dad? The kid's fucked. WHAT KIND OF BIAST, CAVEMAN BULLSHIT IS THAT?!

Yeah well call the buggar, he'll tell you he backed out himself.
I've friggin' had it. Somehow, someway it will be all my fault.

I know I've kept a reasonably positive attitude and I try to continue it but I can't pretend that every day I'm thankful. There, I typed it. What a horrible thing to express but it's true.

(no subject)

[bubblegumsleaze.livejournal.com]

I missed something in the Bible. I've read it. I've read it pretty carefully. And a while ago I decided to look for a specific Teaching of Christ that I KNOW must be in there, because so many Christians I know are so completely familiar with it and have it seriously nailed. Maybe someone out there can help me find it. It's the one where he said to them: "Go forth as a plague among your fellow man, preaching intolerance, hatred, ignorance, and bigotry. Visit judgement upon your neighbor and live a rule of hypocrisy. Do these things in my name, as forcefully and as loudly as you can, pushing my name into peoples faces so persistantly and obnoxiously that in the end they not only hate you, but me as well. Go forth."

(no subject)

[diavolla.livejournal.com]

Drowning,
i always though that it would be so lovely. when the water closes over me and i fall into the eternal calmness of the sea. would i struggle for breath? i guess is hard to beat nature. and then later my lifeless body washed ashore with my bluish skin colorless lips opened eyes that no longer see anything, entangled hair. or if the sea is generous it will keep my body until all the flesh is gone and then all the bones, until nothing is left. nothing or maybe just a slight shimmer, not a soul but may be a memory, floating in the sea.

Icon renewal

[dementedheather.livejournal.com]

I'll load up new icons for my lj.
I made several ones and now I can't decide (I don't have a paid account and I'm not gonna, so it's limited to three pics).
I already have a new standard icon.
Now, I need two others. I already have my favorites, but I want you to vote. Chose one or two of ( these icons )

Post a vote comment with the number of the icon(s) you think are best. You can also give me ideas if you think you'd know an icon that would fit me or anything. Well, expecting your opinions! ^^

(x-posted)

Mhmm...

[scryptic.livejournal.com]

*growls* Nothing more to say...Time to go find happy, I must have lost it somewhere.

Dwoef

[deorcfata.livejournal.com]

I feel as though I have lost it. Nothing im writing makes sences. Fuck. I just did a lesson in psychology and it made me freak ut. Jesusj. The n i played vampire the masquerade and im shaking after fighting so muchi feel scared and weka and confused fuck@!!!!

I just feel lost..

click back find hat you need its not there try again its stil nto therte fuck whsat now..CLICK CLICK CLICK..not working not working.....

Its almost like being on tweak except im very much in my won body not trying to escape which i think scares me more.Being trapped to much inside of my own body. Its to fucking dark in here!


COFFEE Pajama pants.





Shit.

(no subject)

[rowthepiano.livejournal.com]

Wow, haven't posted in a while. I'm starting to think I have to go back to the way I was before. I can't do this counseling thing anymore. i thought it would be great. But sometimes things aren't as they look to be. Everytime they call me down, the conversation ends up to be about my father. I don't know why. Its not right. There must be more to me than him. There must be. Maybe there isn't. Maybe I'm destined to turn into him. I would rather go back into my little reality. Where nothing was real. Maybe I was angrier, more depressed. But counseling has led me to nothing but numbness and panic attacks. Way more than ever before. Eh...I'm stupid.